The Sydney Mollifying Hareld ____________ ____________________ __
First Run 1967 O N O N . A L W A Y S . Number 2429 January 20, 2014
RUN REPORT JANUARY 20 / NORTH TURRAMURRA / COLONEL SANDERS & REAR ADMIRAL NAUTILUS
Standards and their Setters
Distance: 5.49km / Elevation Gain: 168m / Elevation Loss: 166m / Min Elevation: 77m / Max Elevation: 190m / Calories burnt: 430 C / Temp: 20°C
The Posh has always had high standards (just ask any Harriette—we’re very selective, eg she would need to be a keen billiards exponent for a Poshman to even glance at her). No, the Posh high standards are legendary. For example Kitty Litter is now not just attending ethics classes, as TToc does in the 10-min course on the subject in his Real Estate Continuing Professional Education seminars. No, KL actuallylectures on ethics (ok, at Long Bay Maximum Security, but still, impressive or what?..). Then there is the high standard in wine presented each week by Sommelier-Show and sourced from Vinnies premium outlets. And it is certainly not a boast to toast the All-Star Committee culinary klingons. Now a new level of standard has been reached by none other than Major Disaster Disaster. (Readers will remember that in last week’s episode, The Major spent some hours up to his crack in crocs, up to his slit in sandflies, crissing Shit Creek and crossing Hares Petit Merde and Votre Choix, and Trailmaster Moishe, before being rescued by Samaritans Cinders, Plungers and Scoters).
This week the said Major showed his appreciation of this triumphant triumvirate, with another big three, a gift to each of —389, Penfolds Bin 389 no less.
Standards. Which brings us to this week’s Scouting and Guiding adventure crafted by Senior Scoutmaster Naut, and Senior Colonel Sanders. Cleverly emulating the work of the previous week’s Hares, these experienced Trail-setters, certainly started off well (but trouble lay ahead). Wrappa,Formerly Last Card Louis (who dressed as an inscrutable Chinaman, because he thought the Year of the Horse was nigh, but neigh it’s two week’s away), Grape, Maximus, Yakkity, XXXX, andPedantic (now working as an Assistant Branch Manager) with Best Friend and Branch Manager Kate, (a four-legged not-unattractive bitch setter if ever we’ve seen one (pictured). Runners and walkers together headed into the beckoning dark grizzling in light drizzling rain towards Glengarry Training Centre and Darri Track. This was just enough to cause Major D Disaster (who like every other Poshman is now paired on runs with a “buddy’ for safety’s sake–MDD paired with Bumcrack–not forever, just for the evening) to don his yellow submarine, sorry, condom to prevent unwanted fluids from entering. h’Amazingly the pack hencountered a homeless hobo hasleep in his hammock hopelessly helping himself to his home-made hooch—he bore a striking resemblance to Nautilus’s Granpapa(pictured). With runners and non-runners splitting, the pack Ayatollah (now carrying a tractor in his familiar back-pack), Capt Blight and Virginus, climbed through impossible terrain and thenPlungered to Cowan Creek. The trail rising and falling 200 metres tested the mettle of Cinders, Super, and Arbitrator.
Despite the best efforts of Trailmaster Moishe, who had raided daughter Hannah’s bathroom to obtain sufficient Sorbent to reinforce the trail, it was at this point the Hares cunningly hid the trail and diverted four of our finest Poshmen—Smiley, Poly, sweet-talking, honey-tongued Copra, Swampyand wait for it..Pedantic and that bitch— on a northerly trajectory into St Ives Chase, Warrimoo Forest past the Sphinx and to the cliffs offering splendid views of Bobbin Head, Appletree Bay and Mooney Mooney. Plaintive phone calls eventually revealed the quartet was in “Major mood”. Nautilus the Younger sped off to the north in his naval duck (pictured) and rescued the bedraggled band. Naturally,Nautilus will be rewarded by a grateful group with a brace of Bin 389, or Kwality K-Mart Merlot, next week. (Another of our finest, E-Shit, just back from London having accepted yachting’s underwater gliding award..funny, we didn’t know they gave awards for that far down..is suffering “man flu”. It’s like woman-flu but with less PMS).
Standards. Another example. Or as Kate the Bitch sniffed,“breeding.” She then settled down, dog-tired, to share with Pal Pedantic some high standard Pal premium pork underbelly, cooked to perfection by the Jungle and his Band of Brothers, presented with the finest tabouli and ‘taters. As the Posh Players, Centrepoint, Jungle, Kitty, Music, TToc and Scud saluted The Big O, “Crying, Crying”upon the anniversary of his death, Kate the Bitch found the box marked Drumsticks and leapt into—icecream?—not chicken legs carved from a deep-fried poultry pair up to their arses with beer cans, as the finger–lickin’ Colonel had promised (pictured).
Standards. High standard humour rounded off the evening, from PeeDub, S Bends, and Darwin (who also brought the pack up-to-date with progress on old mates Moonbeams, and Showpony, both enjoying the joys of Campbell Newman’s avuncular leadership in, where? Qld. And with TToc we all remembered Larry Adler on the first anniversary of that nasty Manly cycle crash.
Standards. Downdown’s of highhigh standard were awarded to Pilko who dressed as Centrepoint for the evening, for avoiding the superb singing sextet by staying home, Hares Colonel Sanders and Nautilus, and Pedantic and Kate for being the most attractive six legs in the joint (joint, did I hear joint? Kate’s ears suddenly seemed to say).