The Sydney Moonlit Hareld
First Run 1967 O N O N . A L W A Y S . Number 2427 January 6, 2014
BORONIA PARK, XXXX.
Dynamic Dichotomies: XX+XX
You know there are two kinds of people in the world*. There are two kinds of runs, too. And there are two facets of every run. XX and his co-Hare XX know this. Together, known as XXXX they cleverly placed the runners and the walkers and their autos on one side of Pittwater Road, the eastern side, at the Buffalo Creek roundabout. Then at 6:30 sharp, after admiring Pilko’s new pus-green Pumas (there were two of them), sent all the Poshmen across the self-same slalom intersection. Darting between the hoons and the Hyundais, one out of every two hounds survived as they sped hell-bent west into the Field of Mars Reserve–to be pulled up with a jolt at the double check where Tweety Pie audaciously attempted to order Your Choice and Payling as if innocent meek bystanders to check and double check for trail.
There are TWO KINDS of Trail Master as well..there’s Moishe who was spending time with some young nurses to re-mobilise his mojo, and then there isKitty Litter who was volunteered with a moment’s notice. The Kitty quickly had Capt Bligh and Saltpetre, clambering heavenwards up the Strangers Creek track trying to keep pace with Ayatollah (once just half a man with one leg entrapped in a stylish plastic surgical boot, the Ayatollah is now in training testing himself by stumbling in mountain boots and lugging a bag that he swears to and at everyone who asks (hello, Foxie) does not contain the defib, but in fact carries a stone of stones. (Grape taught him everything he knows–took about three minutes–and he learned it from The Pope who does something similar with a hair shirt).
Plunger, Scotsman and Cinders tackled the Great North Walk contours with gusto, unfazed by the checks. Then Music, Super and Petit Merde, and theFormer Last Card Louis, and Pedantic burst into the Martian Mausoleum..where every crypt has a pool and a patio, and the residents have names like Corleone, Canneloni and Big Macaroni..a lot of dead cu**nts according to Grape. Meanwhile back on the track, Goanna gashed his head on a twig, leaping past WC, Maximus and Poly. The clot, not the bloke, the blood…soon congealed and he continued to the next dichotomy.
And here it is again. It started with John Bruce ‘Calici’ Miller Park..no-one knew that the Travelling Wilfully CV was commemorated in this way, especially since the Missing Persons Bureau had just called to advise they had an opening for him. Pretend Trailmaster Kitty was even more shocked but secretly thrilled to discover XX and XX had had a creek and a reserve named after him—Kitty that is– for this run. Completely disorientated, PTK , and to be fairColonel Sanders, Ayatollah, Tartan Bed, Lost Patrol, Jock the Sock and Goanna and, ok TToc, mistakenly took the walkers trail, along Strangers Creek home to the bucket. (XX and XX later claimed that this diversion although perfectly executed was in fact an aberration caused by his recently-acquired ‘condition’—beersitus, that causes a huge swelling, no..not there, where the elbow should be (the Xes contracted it from too much time spent with his elbows on the bar, a lesson for all of us). Another possible reason, without blaming the disappointed runners who missed the excellent second half of the two kinds of trail, and settled for the walkers’ jaunt, was that the Stranger Ranger had removed the fresh, hardly-soiled one-ply Sorbent strips that marked much of the trail. Of course Changi wasn’t fooled..he’s been running the area frequently with a bunch of friends, alone, in anticipation.
Back at the bucket, featuring Aldi Piss, a Kiwi favorite that definitely won’t cause beersitus, an armless diversion: Flying Virgin, E-Shit, and S Bendscompared bodily swellings. Darwin claimed he had a scratch to share (of his car, but he managed to inflict much more damage on his opponent..he was on his way to the Shell station to have his inflatable friend’s bosom rotated when it happened).
Bathed in the magic of moonlight, in the Field of Mars’ Garden of Good and Evil, causing Music to euphoricise about Vincent’s starry starry night, and E-Shitto ask the astrological question “have you checked the rings around Uranus?”, the OnOn was started but not fin-ished by a spread of splendid salmon. Most Poshmen tried to force their way up the shower nozzle when they got home. In memory of the late Everly Brother, Phil, Jungle and his Melburnian mate,Rowdy performed a tribute of Bye Bye Love that was every bit as good as the Everly Hillbillies. Jungle’s other mate, Kenny, wisely cheered silently from the sideline sympathising with Phil’s bro Don.
Downdown’s were awarded to Pilko for those pus-flavored shoes acquired at the Luna Park clearance, Kitty for map-reading skills, Rowdy and Kenny for keeping up appearances, and E-Shit, Prince of Darkness in the Shadows for his new sailing foil invention, and post-humorously, XXXX. __________________________________________________________
*Those who say there are two kinds of people in the world. And those who don’t.
WHERE WE WENT Click Map to increase size